Dear Mr. Smuggy Apple “Genius”* Guy…

When I entered your store to find out why my pretty old Powerbook was suddenly running so slowly, I had no idea I had to engage you in a battle of wits in order to gain your respect and therefore “approval” for you to take a serious look at my laptop. I mean, I’ve taken this thing apart and replaced parts and gotten it up and running from being basically a 17″ paperweight, so I was pretty confident in my abilities. I figured that since you’re the “Genius” that you would know more about my Apple product than I would.

I mean, it was pretty unecessary for you to have the smug, “oh you’re a P.C. guy” attitude. I mean, I get it… You’re paid to be a “Genius”*, so you have to act holier than thou and like you’re the savior of the Apple world. I didn’t mean to step on your toes with a slight display of competence. It was merely a simple act of getting you up to speed so that we could jump right to the chase. I know you’re type.. The “have you tried restarting?” type. And I just basically wanted you to know that I’m not of the “no, I haven’t tried restarting” crowd. Your manhood was safe with me. I wanted no part of your Alpha-Apple status. I merely wanted a little of insight into Apple tech and how I could keep my old-school Apple up running smoothly.

I mean, if it was a battle of wits, I could no doubt hold my own. But trust me Apple “Genius”*, I was no threat to your fragile hierarchy. You can go back to impressing hippie chicks with “have you tried restarting?” and “let’s run the disk checker to see if there are any disk errors”her: “oh you can do that??” – “yes, it’s very complicated”her: “*swoon!* *eyes-a-flutter*”. I won’t tell the faux-rocker-edgy-i-got-this-tattoo-to-fit-a-persona-i-desperately-want-to-fit-in-to chicks that you STILL couldn’t figure out what was wrong. I mean, oh yeah… I totally noticed by your “hmmm… that’s definitely not good” comment under your breath and quizzical gaze at my screen, that you were dumbfounded. But I won’t say a word…

Your iEgo will remain in tact. I won’t tell your iPeers a thing.


*-When I say “Genius”, I’m saying it in the most condescending tone you can imagine. Imagine the most condescending tone you’ve ever heard, then double it and add a little “angry wife/girlfriend” in… That’s how I’m saying it…

2 Replies to “Dear Mr. Smuggy Apple “Genius”* Guy…”

  1. That’s the most awesome post yet (at least in the recent past). I laughed so hard, since I too have experienced the bullshit “genius” persona of the mac freaks in the “apple” store. What the heck is wrong with these guys. All I wanted them to fix was my cd tray, and they still didn’t do it right, and sadly it’s a long drive for me to get to a mac store and I hate taking down my “tower” to get it done… it’s such a pain.

    Luckily my guy wasn’t as pompous as it sounds like yours was, but he did try the silly opening questions, like did you try hitting the eject button, or something along those lines… (i might be exaggerating to commiserate with you a little because I did encounter that attitude after I started asking him some other questions about partitions and running windows on the mac).

    Yes I am computerdextrous… mac and pc running together in a not so perfect harmony…

    He was giving me basically the run around saying oh yeah just delete the old partition that’s supposed to be invisible and it will just go away, and if it doesn’t we’ll fix it… That never happened. He also said that they are timed to only work on someone’s problem for 15 min. I was like are you serious? No wonder they are so lame… it’s like a stupid first tier tech support for the masses, and then they basically give the real repair work to the guys in the back who are probably, real computer gurus, but who don’t fit the “mac image.” All I say to that is: “Whatever!”

    What did totally suck is that they couldn’t repair my usb plug on my keyboard that I crushed in my stupid car door when taking my computer out to be repaired (it was fine before I brought it to the spectrum, but now I’m using a pc keyboard because they said… oh looks like the perfect time to upgrade to a better newer mac keyboard for only $50 dollars, yeah right!).

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